Walking home from work today I passed a man with two small black dogs, both frolicking joyfully on the town common. As I went down to the sidewalk I noticed a short woman being pulled along by a large greyhound type. It was staring wistfully at it's fellow canines, but after a sharp tug on its leash, it dejectedly turned around. It's pained expression didn't last long, as it soon grew fascinated by acorns. Anyways. Looking at the sun falling behind the sharp gray clouds, with the crisp breeze smelling of woodsmoke, I was reminded how much I appreciate autumn.
I need to go study for apush, and the workload for school this year has been practically illegal. It irritates me when people get paid to do something, but then never actually do it. Aka high school guidance councilors. I am so peeved at mine, because he still hasn't switched around my schedule since I asked him to a good week ago. Relator by Peter Yorn and Scarlett Johansson

EDIT: This post is crap. To continue the dog theme, at dinner I found out my cousins dog Tilly was put down today. I loved this dog.

Part of me wanted to go into a warm cave this weekend and just stay there, warm and asleep. But it just happened to have been homecoming, so that idea was promptly annihilated. Homecoming, the dance itself I mean, was surprisingly good this year, partly because I went with impossibly low expectations. Most people went and complained the whole time about how they wished it was over. How are you going to enjoy anything in life thinking like that? Anyways the day was killed by the ensuing party. I don't get the whole drinking thing. Or partying with a bunch of people you don't really know/like. I'm glad I left early. Yesterday I went to see Why? at Clark. The lead singer had so much energy and it was a really lively show. This whole entry is a recap, but it feels that my last week needs has been so packed, that its the only way I can blog today. I just realized I haven't slept in my own bed since last thursday! I went to Yom Kippur services with the Glick fam this morning. I didn't know what to expect, since I haven't been to temple for a while. At first I was a bit intimidated by all the Hebrew, but then as the rabbi talked and the service went on I was so glad to be there. This one part of the prayer book about atoning seemed like the wisest little page in the world. It was all about problems in life, and discovering who you really are. Religion is such a mystery to me. I like the feeling of being involved in one, but I often can't fundamentally understand them. Yesterday the song of the day was anything by why, but today I have listened to Phoenix non-stop instead of studying. Lisztomania.

musicmusicmusic. All I have done today is listen to it. And get lost in it.

Objects of My Affection- Peter Bjorn and John. its brilliant. The lyrics perfectly describe everything.

Potato Harvest '09 bitchezz! For months my mum has been tending to her little potato patch and just recently we have been reaping the benefits, aka potatoes with every meal. My mum is always so happy gardening and then proudly displaying her beautiful potato children before they are sacrificed for dinner. Of course these spuds aren't your ordinary 'tatoes. They are purple and taste marvellous.
I love going on my ancient road bike at around six in the evening all by myself. I had the epiphany of listening to music as I pedalled, which I hadnever done before. The experience was wild. I blasted M79 by Vampire Weekend and then Hotel Song by Regina Spektor. I felt super content.

Every time I began to type a sentence on here I end up erasing it this past week. It's because things are so damn hard to explain. I think that if I start to blog everyday-ish again it will get better. The constant cycle of school and work and sleep is getting to me. I hate routines. On a more positive note, I had a good day, for a few tiny reasons.

1. Someone looked at the shirt I was wearing (with Obama on it), they applauded my school spirit and told me what a superhero the president is.
2. On the bus home I talked to my neighbor Wilfred who I had never spoken too. He is 19, black and from Africa. He's been here a while, since he's a refugee and he's new to the school. He was bobbing his head up and down, totally immersed in his music. I kept telling myself to start talking to him. I imagined how hard it is to be him. He has no family, and must feel so isolated. We talked about rap, and he has his own little studio and told me to call him WiLeezy.
3. I was babysitting dan's little sister today. We went biking around the neighborhood and she told me all the stuff he does that is nice to her and that she loves him as a brother. It was nice because I feel like she might not always be listened too and I like being that outlet to talk to. For anyone.
4. I was working cleaning the church preschool and they got a new vacuum. It's industrial strength and mechanically beautiful. I think i'm in love.
5. I was walking in the dark from the library. It was wonderfully warm out, with a light breeze and I felt so peaceful and free. If only for five minutes of the day. I kicked a bunch of acorns. I felt so satisfied by the littlest things.

I have felt absolutely terrible this whole week. Partly because I have been physically thrashed by ear infections but also life in general seems to be so complicated. Nothing ever seems easy. I never know how to put it, but i'm always okay, most often really good, and only very rarely bad. Right now its hovering between the bad and okay part. I wish I could word that better. I always seem to get stuck on the whole relationships and girls thing. I always tell myself "Your a nice guy, things will work out just dandy for you. No rush. Don't worry about it." Minus the 'dandy' part. I never say the word dandy. My girl situation at the moment is the main reason I am feeling a little low. I honestly don't mind being single, sometimes I just feel it would be nice being in a relationship with someone, just for the sake of being with someone. But for the most part I don't let it get to me, except today. And its easy to say just wait and you'll find the perfect girl, but that doesn't make the immediate future any better. It's not even that, I just let it eat me up. Its kinda like the tide of the ocean, on days like these I tend to ebb and flow with highs and lows. Today I talked to the girl about stuff and she tried to make me feel guilty about everything, maybe it was her way to take some of her own problems and put them on me. I felt kind of ashamed about myself for letting myself getting into a shit situation. But at the same time I was pissed because I felt she was being so unfair to me about things, trying to make me look like the bad guy of everything. Relationships and love and highschool are three things that must be polar opposites. The truth is there are no simple answers about anything at all. It all comes down to really knowing yourself.. The more you know about yourself, the easier it is to understand other people. I feel so lucky to have the friends I do. My family is such a constant in my life, that I often undervalue. My mum has so much unconditional love for me (so does my dad). My sister is a remarkable person. My dad seems to understand things well, and he always seems to have words to say what he feels. Unrelatedly, his newfound love of Jay Z is cracking me up. He seems to be always listening to him, with headphones or on his computer, bopping his head like a true ghetto man child. I feel a lot better than I did earlier. Letting out mythoughts, even as badly as I did in this blog and to some of my close friends, helps. The more I think about it, I love life. I love when it's unclear and difficult like this. I'm glad everything isn't easy. I love the unpredictability. The emotion. The friendships. Everyone has the same struggles which is comforting, but also makes me feel closer to every human being out there.
Westfall by Okkervil River.( thanks for the musical recommendation for tonight emglick- it was perfect)

My blogging has been so erratic since the summer. The last thing I feel like doing right now is writing, but there is this little nagging voice in the back of my head that makes me. This past weekend was filled with the same old shit that sterling fair brings about every year. I grow to like the yearly fair less and less. There were good parts as well, but my blog would be even more tedious if I described them. Friday, I got played by this girl but I don't mind. Anyways, these days I strangely have two jobs. The perks of not being on the soccer team are that I now babysit the little sisters (not so little, 10 and 13) of Dave and Dan, who are both on the team. I do this like three days a week after school now, and remarkably get paid to eat food and without doing much else. Eraser-No Age.