I find it so hard to understand myself. Today was bad day. In part because of a lack of sleep which made me feel like a zombie the whole day, and I felt like I was running on autopilot. I need to do things without fear of being judged or all that high school garbage. I can't get over the workload for this year, junior year is insane. These busy and routine filled days feel like individual weeks. My blogging has been spotty, and whenever I blog I feel much better than when I don't. The song of the day is Ride by St Vincent.

I am going to blog later tonight. I felt like adding this picture, because I was sick of my last two posts.

Walking home from work today I passed a man with two small black dogs, both frolicking joyfully on the town common. As I went down to the sidewalk I noticed a short woman being pulled along by a large greyhound type. It was staring wistfully at it's fellow canines, but after a sharp tug on its leash, it dejectedly turned around. It's pained expression didn't last long, as it soon grew fascinated by acorns. Anyways. Looking at the sun falling behind the sharp gray clouds, with the crisp breeze smelling of woodsmoke, I was reminded how much I appreciate autumn.
I need to go study for apush, and the workload for school this year has been practically illegal. It irritates me when people get paid to do something, but then never actually do it. Aka high school guidance councilors. I am so peeved at mine, because he still hasn't switched around my schedule since I asked him to a good week ago. Relator by Peter Yorn and Scarlett Johansson

EDIT: This post is crap. To continue the dog theme, at dinner I found out my cousins dog Tilly was put down today. I loved this dog.

Part of me wanted to go into a warm cave this weekend and just stay there, warm and asleep. But it just happened to have been homecoming, so that idea was promptly annihilated. Homecoming, the dance itself I mean, was surprisingly good this year, partly because I went with impossibly low expectations. Most people went and complained the whole time about how they wished it was over. How are you going to enjoy anything in life thinking like that? Anyways the day was killed by the ensuing party. I don't get the whole drinking thing. Or partying with a bunch of people you don't really know/like. I'm glad I left early. Yesterday I went to see Why? at Clark. The lead singer had so much energy and it was a really lively show. This whole entry is a recap, but it feels that my last week needs has been so packed, that its the only way I can blog today. I just realized I haven't slept in my own bed since last thursday! I went to Yom Kippur services with the Glick fam this morning. I didn't know what to expect, since I haven't been to temple for a while. At first I was a bit intimidated by all the Hebrew, but then as the rabbi talked and the service went on I was so glad to be there. This one part of the prayer book about atoning seemed like the wisest little page in the world. It was all about problems in life, and discovering who you really are. Religion is such a mystery to me. I like the feeling of being involved in one, but I often can't fundamentally understand them. Yesterday the song of the day was anything by why, but today I have listened to Phoenix non-stop instead of studying. Lisztomania.

musicmusicmusic. All I have done today is listen to it. And get lost in it.

Objects of My Affection- Peter Bjorn and John. its brilliant. The lyrics perfectly describe everything.

Potato Harvest '09 bitchezz! For months my mum has been tending to her little potato patch and just recently we have been reaping the benefits, aka potatoes with every meal. My mum is always so happy gardening and then proudly displaying her beautiful potato children before they are sacrificed for dinner. Of course these spuds aren't your ordinary 'tatoes. They are purple and taste marvellous.
I love going on my ancient road bike at around six in the evening all by myself. I had the epiphany of listening to music as I pedalled, which I hadnever done before. The experience was wild. I blasted M79 by Vampire Weekend and then Hotel Song by Regina Spektor. I felt super content.

Every time I began to type a sentence on here I end up erasing it this past week. It's because things are so damn hard to explain. I think that if I start to blog everyday-ish again it will get better. The constant cycle of school and work and sleep is getting to me. I hate routines. On a more positive note, I had a good day, for a few tiny reasons.

1. Someone looked at the shirt I was wearing (with Obama on it), they applauded my school spirit and told me what a superhero the president is.
2. On the bus home I talked to my neighbor Wilfred who I had never spoken too. He is 19, black and from Africa. He's been here a while, since he's a refugee and he's new to the school. He was bobbing his head up and down, totally immersed in his music. I kept telling myself to start talking to him. I imagined how hard it is to be him. He has no family, and must feel so isolated. We talked about rap, and he has his own little studio and told me to call him WiLeezy.
3. I was babysitting dan's little sister today. We went biking around the neighborhood and she told me all the stuff he does that is nice to her and that she loves him as a brother. It was nice because I feel like she might not always be listened too and I like being that outlet to talk to. For anyone.
4. I was working cleaning the church preschool and they got a new vacuum. It's industrial strength and mechanically beautiful. I think i'm in love.
5. I was walking in the dark from the library. It was wonderfully warm out, with a light breeze and I felt so peaceful and free. If only for five minutes of the day. I kicked a bunch of acorns. I felt so satisfied by the littlest things.