I know that I shouldn't let myself think about things too much and get inside my head. But I do anyway. I always dwell excessively on the complexities of friendships, my bros, school, girls, and life in general far more than I would like to. I sometimes wish I had a hibernate mode. I need to relax a little more, and just let things go. This blog doesn't sound very cheery today, despite the fact that I had a nice day. I feel that when I blog, its always at my low point of the day, after I've had time to sit around and fill my head with pointless things. Tomorrow is my last drive time. EVER.

I can't stand days like this. If I had to name worthwhile events or moments that I would want to remember about today, I would struggle to find a single one. Everything from school, work, aimlessly spending time in front of the computer screen and not doing my homework seem to be on constant repeat. I don't feel anything on days like today, they are a bland. I hate that. Feeling nothing is worse than anything. Everything is confusing and I think it's all tied to being trapped into this shitty routine my days seem to follow this week.
GOTTA CHANGE: I'm going to try to get out of this routine/cylcle shit. I want to go to the sanctuary everyday and take pictures. I want to run. I want to ride my bike. I want to rake some leaves. I want to sit on my roof in the cold. I want to read a book for once.
Yesterday I tried farmville on facebook. Today at like 5 I was sitting on my computer harvesting cyber-fake crops while it was beautiful out. Thats when it hit me. What the fuck are you doing right now. Thats what I need to fix. Having my days feel constantly unfufilled yet at the same time, hugely busy isn't a good combination.
What would life be like without music? I don't even wanna think about it. St Vincent is so good= fits my feelings perfectly.
P.S. I just removed farmville.. I am going to have a good day tomorrow. I hope.

I can now go and see R-rate movies. Legally!

I haven't quite got my head around the fact that I will be SEVENTEEN tomorrow. Usually there is a more gradual buildup to my birthday but this year everything seems to be happening at lightening pace and that just yesterday was summer. Today was just another bland day at school and work, nothing exciting to close out 16. I am more excited than I think for tomorrow, because honestly, who doesn't love their birthday and having a day all to themselves? Around birthdays I always think about the past year. I have been remembering little details from my life, that have been popping up in my head. Like when I collected praying mantis and they formed a cannibalistic colony in the fish tank.. Or when I stepped on a piece of glass and cried. My first day of school ever. Stepping in puddles as if it was my profession. Getting older makes you value days and friendships. Sixteen you have been good to me, but I'm ready.

I find it so hard to understand myself. Today was bad day. In part because of a lack of sleep which made me feel like a zombie the whole day, and I felt like I was running on autopilot. I need to do things without fear of being judged or all that high school garbage. I can't get over the workload for this year, junior year is insane. These busy and routine filled days feel like individual weeks. My blogging has been spotty, and whenever I blog I feel much better than when I don't. The song of the day is Ride by St Vincent.

I am going to blog later tonight. I felt like adding this picture, because I was sick of my last two posts.

Walking home from work today I passed a man with two small black dogs, both frolicking joyfully on the town common. As I went down to the sidewalk I noticed a short woman being pulled along by a large greyhound type. It was staring wistfully at it's fellow canines, but after a sharp tug on its leash, it dejectedly turned around. It's pained expression didn't last long, as it soon grew fascinated by acorns. Anyways. Looking at the sun falling behind the sharp gray clouds, with the crisp breeze smelling of woodsmoke, I was reminded how much I appreciate autumn.
I need to go study for apush, and the workload for school this year has been practically illegal. It irritates me when people get paid to do something, but then never actually do it. Aka high school guidance councilors. I am so peeved at mine, because he still hasn't switched around my schedule since I asked him to a good week ago. Relator by Peter Yorn and Scarlett Johansson

EDIT: This post is crap. To continue the dog theme, at dinner I found out my cousins dog Tilly was put down today. I loved this dog.