musicmusicmusic. All I have done today is listen to it. And get lost in it.

Objects of My Affection- Peter Bjorn and John. its brilliant. The lyrics perfectly describe everything.

Potato Harvest '09 bitchezz! For months my mum has been tending to her little potato patch and just recently we have been reaping the benefits, aka potatoes with every meal. My mum is always so happy gardening and then proudly displaying her beautiful potato children before they are sacrificed for dinner. Of course these spuds aren't your ordinary 'tatoes. They are purple and taste marvellous.
I love going on my ancient road bike at around six in the evening all by myself. I had the epiphany of listening to music as I pedalled, which I hadnever done before. The experience was wild. I blasted M79 by Vampire Weekend and then Hotel Song by Regina Spektor. I felt super content.

Every time I began to type a sentence on here I end up erasing it this past week. It's because things are so damn hard to explain. I think that if I start to blog everyday-ish again it will get better. The constant cycle of school and work and sleep is getting to me. I hate routines. On a more positive note, I had a good day, for a few tiny reasons.

1. Someone looked at the shirt I was wearing (with Obama on it), they applauded my school spirit and told me what a superhero the president is.
2. On the bus home I talked to my neighbor Wilfred who I had never spoken too. He is 19, black and from Africa. He's been here a while, since he's a refugee and he's new to the school. He was bobbing his head up and down, totally immersed in his music. I kept telling myself to start talking to him. I imagined how hard it is to be him. He has no family, and must feel so isolated. We talked about rap, and he has his own little studio and told me to call him WiLeezy.
3. I was babysitting dan's little sister today. We went biking around the neighborhood and she told me all the stuff he does that is nice to her and that she loves him as a brother. It was nice because I feel like she might not always be listened too and I like being that outlet to talk to. For anyone.
4. I was working cleaning the church preschool and they got a new vacuum. It's industrial strength and mechanically beautiful. I think i'm in love.
5. I was walking in the dark from the library. It was wonderfully warm out, with a light breeze and I felt so peaceful and free. If only for five minutes of the day. I kicked a bunch of acorns. I felt so satisfied by the littlest things.

I have felt absolutely terrible this whole week. Partly because I have been physically thrashed by ear infections but also life in general seems to be so complicated. Nothing ever seems easy. I never know how to put it, but i'm always okay, most often really good, and only very rarely bad. Right now its hovering between the bad and okay part. I wish I could word that better. I always seem to get stuck on the whole relationships and girls thing. I always tell myself "Your a nice guy, things will work out just dandy for you. No rush. Don't worry about it." Minus the 'dandy' part. I never say the word dandy. My girl situation at the moment is the main reason I am feeling a little low. I honestly don't mind being single, sometimes I just feel it would be nice being in a relationship with someone, just for the sake of being with someone. But for the most part I don't let it get to me, except today. And its easy to say just wait and you'll find the perfect girl, but that doesn't make the immediate future any better. It's not even that, I just let it eat me up. Its kinda like the tide of the ocean, on days like these I tend to ebb and flow with highs and lows. Today I talked to the girl about stuff and she tried to make me feel guilty about everything, maybe it was her way to take some of her own problems and put them on me. I felt kind of ashamed about myself for letting myself getting into a shit situation. But at the same time I was pissed because I felt she was being so unfair to me about things, trying to make me look like the bad guy of everything. Relationships and love and highschool are three things that must be polar opposites. The truth is there are no simple answers about anything at all. It all comes down to really knowing yourself.. The more you know about yourself, the easier it is to understand other people. I feel so lucky to have the friends I do. My family is such a constant in my life, that I often undervalue. My mum has so much unconditional love for me (so does my dad). My sister is a remarkable person. My dad seems to understand things well, and he always seems to have words to say what he feels. Unrelatedly, his newfound love of Jay Z is cracking me up. He seems to be always listening to him, with headphones or on his computer, bopping his head like a true ghetto man child. I feel a lot better than I did earlier. Letting out mythoughts, even as badly as I did in this blog and to some of my close friends, helps. The more I think about it, I love life. I love when it's unclear and difficult like this. I'm glad everything isn't easy. I love the unpredictability. The emotion. The friendships. Everyone has the same struggles which is comforting, but also makes me feel closer to every human being out there.
Westfall by Okkervil River.( thanks for the musical recommendation for tonight emglick- it was perfect)

My blogging has been so erratic since the summer. The last thing I feel like doing right now is writing, but there is this little nagging voice in the back of my head that makes me. This past weekend was filled with the same old shit that sterling fair brings about every year. I grow to like the yearly fair less and less. There were good parts as well, but my blog would be even more tedious if I described them. Friday, I got played by this girl but I don't mind. Anyways, these days I strangely have two jobs. The perks of not being on the soccer team are that I now babysit the little sisters (not so little, 10 and 13) of Dave and Dan, who are both on the team. I do this like three days a week after school now, and remarkably get paid to eat food and without doing much else. Eraser-No Age.

It's so much harder blogging during the week. My non-existent 'work ethic' feels like its already going to hell, and with it, my desire to blog everyday. But I am trying to persevere. Today at school I had my first study, and it helps the day out immensely.The best part of my day was wishing KenLEN (the blind kid from my town) a happy birthday. It was the best part of my day only because I imagine how he must have felt. Walking along in a sea of faces that he can't quite see, and he suddenly hears someone say a simple "Hey. Happy Bday Man". Imagine nobody knowing your birthday or saying hi to you on the day you turn seventeen, that thing makes me feel sad. I'm not saying I am a saint or anything either, but the fact that one little 'hello' could actually lift someones day sometimes is quite good. The problem is once you do one thing nice like that you feel like your 'quota of niceness' is reached..Other than that my day was reasonably fine, despite the ever increasing work load. OH and I hate math. I was sitting taking an impossible test and I wondered why in the world I am forced to learn it. I'm not going to use this level of math later on. I will forget it a month afterwards. To me thats the flaw in education, the lack of choice at times.

Last year during school I absolutely dreaded long-blocks, regardless of the class and luckily this year is different. This school thang is better, but its going to be a tough year. Today I was at Dan's house with Kyle and they drew dicks on my notebooks when I left the room, just joking around..So now my notebooks are 100% covered in stickers that say "Hello my name is.." to blot out the graffiti of genitalia on my books. I like them better this way though, so no harm done. It was so beautiful out this afternoon. Even though all I wanted to do was relax and watch a movie, I forced myself to go outside. I'm not going to lie, as soon (keyword SOON) as I get a spare 3 hours I plan on watching Vicky Cristina Barcelona starring Scarlett Johnasson and Penelope Cruz because I snagged it expertly at the library check out desk today after wanting to see it for obvious reasons. My school weeks are marginally uneventful right now and I have a not-so varied routine, but if I actually had more things to do I don't know how I would manage. I am completely stress free. Fitz and Dizzyspells by Andrew Bird.