I'm so frustrated. Christmas break has been weak thus far. Since getting out of school I haven't been able to do anything. I really wanted to see my friends today, but we have a family (who I like a lot) coming up from D.C. so I can't. I hate being cooped up at home.

I'm sick of blogging and blogs. There is something that I can't put words to that I don't like about it. Firstly I feel unable to express myself well and I feel I am not writing for myself anymore. I don't like the facades you can develop when blogging, and it feels like it's becoming more like a facebook kind of thing. Bad Bad.
Anyways, rant aside, real post for the day:
I like my cat more than I like a lot of people. I am slammed with work tonight and feel a tad overwhelmed mixed with the feeling that tomorrows slew of tests won't end well. Then I went downstairs five minutes ago and Mister Fred was sitting on the chair, looking extremely serene. I went up to pet him and his winter fur has just come in, and he was as soft as a teddy bear. This a shout out to you Mister Fred <33333333

I am now friends with Chemistry.
I was going to do a long and detailed blog, but sleep seems awfully nice. ByeByeBloggie.

I had a great talk with my parents tonight. Great is a terrible adjective to describe it. I am so grateful to have my mum and dad to help me. When they were both gone I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt unable to deal, like a little kid.

That last post was a tad wee bit melodramatic. I was just caught in the worst moment, and that test was like giant thunder cloud over me. Yesterday I was walking through the blizzard and I realized that I really haven't been working nearly as hard as I could. For some reason I got so determined, and furious with myself, to actually do something about it. I am going to try, in earnest, to not have my computer on until I have finished all my homework. I take it back, I am not going to try. I am actually going to do it. Get some initiative and get over myself. I have had enough of my own bullshit. I am a smart kid and I will start doing better in school.
I am in an odd fuck-the-world mood, but at the same time quite optimistic, as conflicting as it sounds.

The song of my day/week/month is Titus Andronicus - Upon Viewing Bruegel's "Landscape With the Fall of Icarus"
The video for this song is great as well.

I cannot physically cope with school right now. I have never done this badly. I got my grades back for a Chemistry test. I got a 41.
I don't know what to do. I feel dumb.

There is this old reality T.V. show that films people frolicking in glass cubicles, with money showering down upon them. The contestants have crazed looks as they grab all the money. Today I am on of them, but instead of money raining on me, thousands of amsco cards are falling on my head.
Heartbreaker by MSTRKRFT