I was looking at my blog, and all I write about recently is work and school. Boring Boring Boring. Anyways, I was thinking back to something that Mr Larson, the best sub in the universe, said to me once. He was describing what he called 'life cycles', or something complex and mathematical about graphing and predicting our moods through natural rhythms. He told me that when you are on a rise or an up pattern to really try and go out and do things you would't normally do. Basically as Ben Stiller would say "Grab life by the balls". This coupled with the 'I don't give two shits' attitude, have been me lately, to some extent.
This week I have been riding a wave of everything being satisfactory and life seeming easily pleasant. I think being like this is tied into feeling useful and creative. I all thought of this when I was walking through the windy rain to get cake frosting.
The humanities scholars trip was interesting-ish. The professors did their thang and I ate like a madman, taking advantage of the free lunch.
I want to go to the beach. Maybe when it is more wintery though.
The fog enveloped the trees and the dark sky made each branch oddly exaggerated, like a silhouette with a life of its own. As I walked by the streetlamps, the lights faded in and out, hidden and then reappearing behind the few remaining leaves. As I walked up the road I passed a car, parked on the side, with the lights off. Upon passing it, I noticed someone was sitting inside, watching me. I began to move more quickly and in the distance a figure appeared. It looked like some sort animal. My initial impression was a wolf. Suddenly its eyes glinted, reflecting the moon and I almost leap out of my shoes.
Then I saw the person was talking on the phone and the animal was just the friendly neighborhood dog, Sasha. The eeriness was good while it lasted.
Oh hey blog. Long time no see.
I feel so fulfilled after finishing this video project for English. It's the hardest I have worked on anything for a while, and it's gratifying seeing pictures coming alive in the film.
I promise some more blogging later this week, but for now, sleep wins.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sK08mV8ueGE WATCH IT!
What is it about homework these days? Until I get work done I feel so full of pressure and pent-up frustration, and I usually never get my work done.
Instead of studying for chem, doing math homework or reading for history, I decided to look up songs for english. I have found some of the darkest and eeriest ones on the earth, which is brilliant for PoeFest.
Anyways today I asked a friend how life was treating them. Their answer was heartbreaking.
I know that I shouldn't let myself think about things too much and get inside my head. But I do anyway. I always dwell excessively on the complexities of friendships, my bros, school, girls, and life in general far more than I would like to. I sometimes wish I had a hibernate mode. I need to relax a little more, and just let things go. This blog doesn't sound very cheery today, despite the fact that I had a nice day. I feel that when I blog, its always at my low point of the day, after I've had time to sit around and fill my head with pointless things. Tomorrow is my last drive time. EVER.
I can't stand days like this. If I had to name worthwhile events or moments that I would want to remember about today, I would struggle to find a single one. Everything from school, work, aimlessly spending time in front of the computer screen and not doing my homework seem to be on constant repeat. I don't feel anything on days like today, they are a bland. I hate that. Feeling nothing is worse than anything. Everything is confusing and I think it's all tied to being trapped into this shitty routine my days seem to follow this week.
GOTTA CHANGE: I'm going to try to get out of this routine/cylcle shit. I want to go to the sanctuary everyday and take pictures. I want to run. I want to ride my bike. I want to rake some leaves. I want to sit on my roof in the cold. I want to read a book for once.
Yesterday I tried farmville on facebook. Today at like 5 I was sitting on my computer harvesting cyber-fake crops while it was beautiful out. Thats when it hit me. What the fuck are you doing right now. Thats what I need to fix. Having my days feel constantly unfufilled yet at the same time, hugely busy isn't a good combination.
What would life be like without music? I don't even wanna think about it. St Vincent is so good= fits my feelings perfectly.
P.S. I just removed farmville.. I am going to have a good day tomorrow. I hope.
I haven't quite got my head around the fact that I will be SEVENTEEN tomorrow. Usually there is a more gradual buildup to my birthday but this year everything seems to be happening at lightening pace and that just yesterday was summer. Today was just another bland day at school and work, nothing exciting to close out 16. I am more excited than I think for tomorrow, because honestly, who doesn't love their birthday and having a day all to themselves? Around birthdays I always think about the past year. I have been remembering little details from my life, that have been popping up in my head. Like when I collected praying mantis and they formed a cannibalistic colony in the fish tank.. Or when I stepped on a piece of glass and cried. My first day of school ever. Stepping in puddles as if it was my profession. Getting older makes you value days and friendships. Sixteen you have been good to me, but I'm ready.
I find it so hard to understand myself. Today was bad day. In part because of a lack of sleep which made me feel like a zombie the whole day, and I felt like I was running on autopilot. I need to do things without fear of being judged or all that high school garbage. I can't get over the workload for this year, junior year is insane. These busy and routine filled days feel like individual weeks. My blogging has been spotty, and whenever I blog I feel much better than when I don't. The song of the day is Ride by St Vincent.
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