I really do enjoy my computer, phone, and ipod becoming utterly useless. My computer has adopted the endearing habit of taking four hours to turn on, my phone is bipolar when it comes to receiving or sending texts, and my Ipod refuses to start, instead making feeble clicking noises. Technology is overrated anyways.
The past week, I haven't blogged, partly because I had very little time to myself. Our family friends have been here and for the most part it was good. Despite the limits it created for me, it was a good thing to reconnect and maintain the friendship we have. But it is nice having my own room back.

I'm so frustrated. Christmas break has been weak thus far. Since getting out of school I haven't been able to do anything. I really wanted to see my friends today, but we have a family (who I like a lot) coming up from D.C. so I can't. I hate being cooped up at home.

I'm sick of blogging and blogs. There is something that I can't put words to that I don't like about it. Firstly I feel unable to express myself well and I feel I am not writing for myself anymore. I don't like the facades you can develop when blogging, and it feels like it's becoming more like a facebook kind of thing. Bad Bad.
Anyways, rant aside, real post for the day:
I like my cat more than I like a lot of people. I am slammed with work tonight and feel a tad overwhelmed mixed with the feeling that tomorrows slew of tests won't end well. Then I went downstairs five minutes ago and Mister Fred was sitting on the chair, looking extremely serene. I went up to pet him and his winter fur has just come in, and he was as soft as a teddy bear. This a shout out to you Mister Fred <33333333

I am now friends with Chemistry.
I was going to do a long and detailed blog, but sleep seems awfully nice. ByeByeBloggie.

I had a great talk with my parents tonight. Great is a terrible adjective to describe it. I am so grateful to have my mum and dad to help me. When they were both gone I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt unable to deal, like a little kid.

That last post was a tad wee bit melodramatic. I was just caught in the worst moment, and that test was like giant thunder cloud over me. Yesterday I was walking through the blizzard and I realized that I really haven't been working nearly as hard as I could. For some reason I got so determined, and furious with myself, to actually do something about it. I am going to try, in earnest, to not have my computer on until I have finished all my homework. I take it back, I am not going to try. I am actually going to do it. Get some initiative and get over myself. I have had enough of my own bullshit. I am a smart kid and I will start doing better in school.
I am in an odd fuck-the-world mood, but at the same time quite optimistic, as conflicting as it sounds.

The song of my day/week/month is Titus Andronicus - Upon Viewing Bruegel's "Landscape With the Fall of Icarus"
The video for this song is great as well.

I cannot physically cope with school right now. I have never done this badly. I got my grades back for a Chemistry test. I got a 41.
I don't know what to do. I feel dumb.

There is this old reality T.V. show that films people frolicking in glass cubicles, with money showering down upon them. The contestants have crazed looks as they grab all the money. Today I am on of them, but instead of money raining on me, thousands of amsco cards are falling on my head.
Heartbreaker by MSTRKRFT

My mum is home! I didn't do anything today but go outside and take pictures of snow, which will appear on here in the coming week. It's hard not to like the first snow. Well, now that I think of it, I usually don't because it reminds me of all the following snowfalls. And five months of winter.

This was a tough week. Having to deal with life without parents around makes you feel like a little kid again, in the sense of being vulnerable, overwhelmed. That's not to say I didn't have fun being home alone for the week at times, but it was just a long time to be 'boss-man' of the house. The past few days have been marvelous. Seeing Emily in the nutcracker was enjoyable(and shout out: You were supaah). Ending the week on a strong note,feeling happy and laughing with friends, made everything seem easier. Then yesterday spending 24 hours at the morrel household was a party, as usual. Even if the kid cheats at wii sports. After that Emileaf came over for a much needed music/movie sesh. We watched Darjeeling Limited, and although it was extremely confusing and disconnected it was quite interesting, and beautifully shot.
Song: Dance the Way I Feel by Ou Est Le Swimming Pool.
Listen. I dare you.

Thanksgiving Oh Nine was a great many things. It feels as if the world has sped up, and I don’t know how I am going to write today or where to start.

On the way to New Jersey we took the train, it was a long and lumbering affair. I generally like the act of traveling, despite the exhaustion that it entails, as it allows me to think and people-watch. We passed the grim junkyards, unsightly swamps and small cities that seemed to be crumbling before my eyes. I like the feeling of being on a train, staring at the blur of the world going by you, feeling a certain detachment. I began to glance at the people surrounding me on the train, developing fanciful stories of their lives or terrible tragedies based on the creases of their forehead or a sudden smile.

At Penn Station, public transportation was horrendous, as is often the case, and I found myself waiting for our connecting train in the midst of hundreds, if not thousands, of people. For some reason I felt overwhelmed. Everyone was talking on their phones, eating their fast food, and I couldn’t take it. It all seemed so fake, like they were all robots. Not really living. I wanted to crawl into a ball.

Thanksgiving was the best. After building up an appetite playing basketball, we headed in to gorge our stomachs. I should probably mention who this ‘we’ is. My family always stays with the Amato's. I have known their son Max the longest of any friend, and I remember Simon before he was three feet tall. We stay at their grandparents, Sol and Sylvia’s house, and it has the best feeling of warmth and comfort. During the dinner one of the funniest conversation’s of my life arose. We had been talking about teenage slang, but the discourse had shifted towards old 1930’s movies. Upon describing one of her favorite films Sylvia asked the table if we “knew what a geek is?” Naturally we all did, but it turns out our meanings of the word were completely different.

In his slow and deliberate voice Sol read out the definition of a geek.

“A person who swallows live animals, bugs, etc., as a form of entertainment at fairs etc. This often included biting the heads off of chickens.” We all laughed for what seemed like hours. The mood was so infectiously filled with joy and lightness.

Our annual trip into the city was as they say “short but sweet”. We went into stores like Topman and UO that I honestly could have spent every last penny of my money. I restrained myself and bought a purple pair of jeans. The feeling of being in the city never ceases to get to me. Little details fascinate me. Then there are the people themselves. I started writing this post with unrealistic expectations that it would successfully describe my thanksgiving week, but it has come up short. What can you do?

Yesterday my mum left for England to care for my grandfather, and my sister and I braved the train home ourselves. I am sitting in my room right now, responsible for her, my house and just about everything. This is difficult. I am not worried or anything, but its a strange feeling when your house doesn't really feel like home. It is all very lonely.

It will all be fine tomorrow, exciting even. It is just depressing to get home to an empty house when it is dark out.

This evening I was feeling a little frustrated, but then I put on some Frank Sinatra. This week will be fine.

Today was nice. I cannot wait to go to Jersey and live out my secret mobster existence over Thanksgiving. New Jersey is generally considered on of the ugliest and most depressing states. I disagree.
Right now= Zero bad anything going on.

I am so tired in every sense of the word, that I am going to bed now. It's 7:26 and I feel like I am six years old.
Song: D. G. A. F. L. Y. F by Super Mash Bros.
This is the first time I have not used one of my own pictures in my blog. I simply don't have the energy.

Today was good because I rediscovered a band. I love that. Maybe I will try to forget bands intentionally now and then listen to them after a long while. The band I dug up today was Wolf Parade. I loved them a few years ago, and I came across them again on Last.fm today realized how damn good they are. If you don't know them please give them a listen. I'll Believe in Anything- Wolf Parade

So this weekend was terrible, but all of that seems forever ago because today was supaaah! This weekend I felt trapped in my own mind mostly, and consequently overthought little things and grew frustrated, and it didn't help that it was shitty out 24/7. Going to school did a world of good. For some reason everything about my day at the Regional was splendid, and I just felt happy the whole day (and now). I'm being kind of vague about all this but I don't feel like going into greater depths. Life is nice. Thats my blog for today.
I got this limited edition Titus Andronicus vinyl record from a photography contest, which was great, despite it being addressed to a Mister J.Hersk. I am going to bed BEFORE 9 tonight, and then waking up to to see the Leonid meteor shower. So byebye computer.
The picture of the day is of my sister's art. She's really good at this thing called life, even if it isn't always easy.
Song: I'm Not Going to Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance- Black Kids

Your going away
And I'm feeling the same
Thing Day after Day
I can't let it go

Everyone in this room
They've got troubles too
Secret stories and
Lies that we never knew

Xavia, who will save us?

Today is a list day:
1. Went to Barnes and Noble
2. Bought two Dave Eggars books
3. Talked to my dad on skype
4. Listened to music for 7 hours
5. Felt like shit
6. Felt great
7. Started my thirty plus pages of history reading at 10:28

I had never felt confident enough to just be crazy and dance like a grade A lunatic. So today I didn't give two shits about what anyone thought and tried to have a killer time with my lovely chums. Tonight's DP=best time

I walked up to see Mister Fred, all tucked away under the covers. There were cries from the baby next door, and he seemed so removed from it all. In his little cave of blankets. I wish we traded places for the day. Make that week.

I used to hate getting shots, but now I really don't mind at all. Yes, I got my priority H1N1 shot, for all those viewers at home who were wondering. You can just call me Joey Swine-Free, yeah I rhymed. no big deal.
Anyhow, Wednesdays are always so full, what with babysitting and actual work and then schoolwork. I felt hyper-efficient when I got home from cleaning/sitting, until I realized that all my homework was done solely in my imagination. R.I.P First term of schoolio. I won't miss you and I will laugh at your funeral, obnoxiously. Anyhow this is quite possibly the strangest (and worst) blog I have done in a while. And I am fairly sure that was the billionth time I have said 'anyhow'.
Run to Your Grave by the Mae Shi.Click d@t Shit.

My padre left for South Africa today. I'm so jealous. Being there last year was such an genuine experience, I felt so alive everyday there, brimming with all things new. Anyhow back to life here, I have honestly been listening to music for the last seven hours without a break. I don't want to sound like one of those cliche 'omg omg music <3' kids, but although I haven't had a productive day by anyone's standards, everything seems alright. Music always takes me away from the pressures of daily life and I feel happy.

I am going to look back on high school and have a huge laugh.

I was looking at my blog, and all I write about recently is work and school. Boring Boring Boring. Anyways, I was thinking back to something that Mr Larson, the best sub in the universe, said to me once. He was describing what he called 'life cycles', or something complex and mathematical about graphing and predicting our moods through natural rhythms. He told me that when you are on a rise or an up pattern to really try and go out and do things you would't normally do. Basically as Ben Stiller would say "Grab life by the balls". This coupled with the 'I don't give two shits' attitude, have been me lately, to some extent.
This week I have been riding a wave of everything being satisfactory and life seeming easily pleasant. I think being like this is tied into feeling useful and creative. I all thought of this when I was walking through the windy rain to get cake frosting.
The humanities scholars trip was interesting-ish. The professors did their thang and I ate like a madman, taking advantage of the free lunch.
I want to go to the beach. Maybe when it is more wintery though.

The fog enveloped the trees and the dark sky made each branch oddly exaggerated, like a silhouette with a life of its own. As I walked by the streetlamps, the lights faded in and out, hidden and then reappearing behind the few remaining leaves. As I walked up the road I passed a car, parked on the side, with the lights off. Upon passing it, I noticed someone was sitting inside, watching me. I began to move more quickly and in the distance a figure appeared. It looked like some sort animal. My initial impression was a wolf. Suddenly its eyes glinted, reflecting the moon and I almost leap out of my shoes.
Then I saw the person was talking on the phone and the animal was just the friendly neighborhood dog, Sasha. The eeriness was good while it lasted.

Oh hey blog. Long time no see.
I feel so fulfilled after finishing this video project for English. It's the hardest I have worked on anything for a while, and it's gratifying seeing pictures coming alive in the film.
I promise some more blogging later this week, but for now, sleep wins.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sK08mV8ueGE WATCH IT!

What is it about homework these days? Until I get work done I feel so full of pressure and pent-up frustration, and I usually never get my work done.
Instead of studying for chem, doing math homework or reading for history, I decided to look up songs for english. I have found some of the darkest and eeriest ones on the earth, which is brilliant for PoeFest.
Anyways today I asked a friend how life was treating them. Their answer was heartbreaking.

I know that I shouldn't let myself think about things too much and get inside my head. But I do anyway. I always dwell excessively on the complexities of friendships, my bros, school, girls, and life in general far more than I would like to. I sometimes wish I had a hibernate mode. I need to relax a little more, and just let things go. This blog doesn't sound very cheery today, despite the fact that I had a nice day. I feel that when I blog, its always at my low point of the day, after I've had time to sit around and fill my head with pointless things. Tomorrow is my last drive time. EVER.

I can't stand days like this. If I had to name worthwhile events or moments that I would want to remember about today, I would struggle to find a single one. Everything from school, work, aimlessly spending time in front of the computer screen and not doing my homework seem to be on constant repeat. I don't feel anything on days like today, they are a bland. I hate that. Feeling nothing is worse than anything. Everything is confusing and I think it's all tied to being trapped into this shitty routine my days seem to follow this week.
GOTTA CHANGE: I'm going to try to get out of this routine/cylcle shit. I want to go to the sanctuary everyday and take pictures. I want to run. I want to ride my bike. I want to rake some leaves. I want to sit on my roof in the cold. I want to read a book for once.
Yesterday I tried farmville on facebook. Today at like 5 I was sitting on my computer harvesting cyber-fake crops while it was beautiful out. Thats when it hit me. What the fuck are you doing right now. Thats what I need to fix. Having my days feel constantly unfufilled yet at the same time, hugely busy isn't a good combination.
What would life be like without music? I don't even wanna think about it. St Vincent is so good= fits my feelings perfectly.
P.S. I just removed farmville.. I am going to have a good day tomorrow. I hope.

I can now go and see R-rate movies. Legally!

I haven't quite got my head around the fact that I will be SEVENTEEN tomorrow. Usually there is a more gradual buildup to my birthday but this year everything seems to be happening at lightening pace and that just yesterday was summer. Today was just another bland day at school and work, nothing exciting to close out 16. I am more excited than I think for tomorrow, because honestly, who doesn't love their birthday and having a day all to themselves? Around birthdays I always think about the past year. I have been remembering little details from my life, that have been popping up in my head. Like when I collected praying mantis and they formed a cannibalistic colony in the fish tank.. Or when I stepped on a piece of glass and cried. My first day of school ever. Stepping in puddles as if it was my profession. Getting older makes you value days and friendships. Sixteen you have been good to me, but I'm ready.

I find it so hard to understand myself. Today was bad day. In part because of a lack of sleep which made me feel like a zombie the whole day, and I felt like I was running on autopilot. I need to do things without fear of being judged or all that high school garbage. I can't get over the workload for this year, junior year is insane. These busy and routine filled days feel like individual weeks. My blogging has been spotty, and whenever I blog I feel much better than when I don't. The song of the day is Ride by St Vincent.

I am going to blog later tonight. I felt like adding this picture, because I was sick of my last two posts.

Walking home from work today I passed a man with two small black dogs, both frolicking joyfully on the town common. As I went down to the sidewalk I noticed a short woman being pulled along by a large greyhound type. It was staring wistfully at it's fellow canines, but after a sharp tug on its leash, it dejectedly turned around. It's pained expression didn't last long, as it soon grew fascinated by acorns. Anyways. Looking at the sun falling behind the sharp gray clouds, with the crisp breeze smelling of woodsmoke, I was reminded how much I appreciate autumn.
I need to go study for apush, and the workload for school this year has been practically illegal. It irritates me when people get paid to do something, but then never actually do it. Aka high school guidance councilors. I am so peeved at mine, because he still hasn't switched around my schedule since I asked him to a good week ago. Relator by Peter Yorn and Scarlett Johansson

EDIT: This post is crap. To continue the dog theme, at dinner I found out my cousins dog Tilly was put down today. I loved this dog.

Part of me wanted to go into a warm cave this weekend and just stay there, warm and asleep. But it just happened to have been homecoming, so that idea was promptly annihilated. Homecoming, the dance itself I mean, was surprisingly good this year, partly because I went with impossibly low expectations. Most people went and complained the whole time about how they wished it was over. How are you going to enjoy anything in life thinking like that? Anyways the day was killed by the ensuing party. I don't get the whole drinking thing. Or partying with a bunch of people you don't really know/like. I'm glad I left early. Yesterday I went to see Why? at Clark. The lead singer had so much energy and it was a really lively show. This whole entry is a recap, but it feels that my last week needs has been so packed, that its the only way I can blog today. I just realized I haven't slept in my own bed since last thursday! I went to Yom Kippur services with the Glick fam this morning. I didn't know what to expect, since I haven't been to temple for a while. At first I was a bit intimidated by all the Hebrew, but then as the rabbi talked and the service went on I was so glad to be there. This one part of the prayer book about atoning seemed like the wisest little page in the world. It was all about problems in life, and discovering who you really are. Religion is such a mystery to me. I like the feeling of being involved in one, but I often can't fundamentally understand them. Yesterday the song of the day was anything by why, but today I have listened to Phoenix non-stop instead of studying. Lisztomania.

musicmusicmusic. All I have done today is listen to it. And get lost in it.

Objects of My Affection- Peter Bjorn and John. its brilliant. The lyrics perfectly describe everything.

Potato Harvest '09 bitchezz! For months my mum has been tending to her little potato patch and just recently we have been reaping the benefits, aka potatoes with every meal. My mum is always so happy gardening and then proudly displaying her beautiful potato children before they are sacrificed for dinner. Of course these spuds aren't your ordinary 'tatoes. They are purple and taste marvellous.
I love going on my ancient road bike at around six in the evening all by myself. I had the epiphany of listening to music as I pedalled, which I hadnever done before. The experience was wild. I blasted M79 by Vampire Weekend and then Hotel Song by Regina Spektor. I felt super content.

Every time I began to type a sentence on here I end up erasing it this past week. It's because things are so damn hard to explain. I think that if I start to blog everyday-ish again it will get better. The constant cycle of school and work and sleep is getting to me. I hate routines. On a more positive note, I had a good day, for a few tiny reasons.

1. Someone looked at the shirt I was wearing (with Obama on it), they applauded my school spirit and told me what a superhero the president is.
2. On the bus home I talked to my neighbor Wilfred who I had never spoken too. He is 19, black and from Africa. He's been here a while, since he's a refugee and he's new to the school. He was bobbing his head up and down, totally immersed in his music. I kept telling myself to start talking to him. I imagined how hard it is to be him. He has no family, and must feel so isolated. We talked about rap, and he has his own little studio and told me to call him WiLeezy.
3. I was babysitting dan's little sister today. We went biking around the neighborhood and she told me all the stuff he does that is nice to her and that she loves him as a brother. It was nice because I feel like she might not always be listened too and I like being that outlet to talk to. For anyone.
4. I was working cleaning the church preschool and they got a new vacuum. It's industrial strength and mechanically beautiful. I think i'm in love.
5. I was walking in the dark from the library. It was wonderfully warm out, with a light breeze and I felt so peaceful and free. If only for five minutes of the day. I kicked a bunch of acorns. I felt so satisfied by the littlest things.

I have felt absolutely terrible this whole week. Partly because I have been physically thrashed by ear infections but also life in general seems to be so complicated. Nothing ever seems easy. I never know how to put it, but i'm always okay, most often really good, and only very rarely bad. Right now its hovering between the bad and okay part. I wish I could word that better. I always seem to get stuck on the whole relationships and girls thing. I always tell myself "Your a nice guy, things will work out just dandy for you. No rush. Don't worry about it." Minus the 'dandy' part. I never say the word dandy. My girl situation at the moment is the main reason I am feeling a little low. I honestly don't mind being single, sometimes I just feel it would be nice being in a relationship with someone, just for the sake of being with someone. But for the most part I don't let it get to me, except today. And its easy to say just wait and you'll find the perfect girl, but that doesn't make the immediate future any better. It's not even that, I just let it eat me up. Its kinda like the tide of the ocean, on days like these I tend to ebb and flow with highs and lows. Today I talked to the girl about stuff and she tried to make me feel guilty about everything, maybe it was her way to take some of her own problems and put them on me. I felt kind of ashamed about myself for letting myself getting into a shit situation. But at the same time I was pissed because I felt she was being so unfair to me about things, trying to make me look like the bad guy of everything. Relationships and love and highschool are three things that must be polar opposites. The truth is there are no simple answers about anything at all. It all comes down to really knowing yourself.. The more you know about yourself, the easier it is to understand other people. I feel so lucky to have the friends I do. My family is such a constant in my life, that I often undervalue. My mum has so much unconditional love for me (so does my dad). My sister is a remarkable person. My dad seems to understand things well, and he always seems to have words to say what he feels. Unrelatedly, his newfound love of Jay Z is cracking me up. He seems to be always listening to him, with headphones or on his computer, bopping his head like a true ghetto man child. I feel a lot better than I did earlier. Letting out mythoughts, even as badly as I did in this blog and to some of my close friends, helps. The more I think about it, I love life. I love when it's unclear and difficult like this. I'm glad everything isn't easy. I love the unpredictability. The emotion. The friendships. Everyone has the same struggles which is comforting, but also makes me feel closer to every human being out there.
Westfall by Okkervil River.( thanks for the musical recommendation for tonight emglick- it was perfect)

My blogging has been so erratic since the summer. The last thing I feel like doing right now is writing, but there is this little nagging voice in the back of my head that makes me. This past weekend was filled with the same old shit that sterling fair brings about every year. I grow to like the yearly fair less and less. There were good parts as well, but my blog would be even more tedious if I described them. Friday, I got played by this girl but I don't mind. Anyways, these days I strangely have two jobs. The perks of not being on the soccer team are that I now babysit the little sisters (not so little, 10 and 13) of Dave and Dan, who are both on the team. I do this like three days a week after school now, and remarkably get paid to eat food and without doing much else. Eraser-No Age.

It's so much harder blogging during the week. My non-existent 'work ethic' feels like its already going to hell, and with it, my desire to blog everyday. But I am trying to persevere. Today at school I had my first study, and it helps the day out immensely.The best part of my day was wishing KenLEN (the blind kid from my town) a happy birthday. It was the best part of my day only because I imagine how he must have felt. Walking along in a sea of faces that he can't quite see, and he suddenly hears someone say a simple "Hey. Happy Bday Man". Imagine nobody knowing your birthday or saying hi to you on the day you turn seventeen, that thing makes me feel sad. I'm not saying I am a saint or anything either, but the fact that one little 'hello' could actually lift someones day sometimes is quite good. The problem is once you do one thing nice like that you feel like your 'quota of niceness' is reached..Other than that my day was reasonably fine, despite the ever increasing work load. OH and I hate math. I was sitting taking an impossible test and I wondered why in the world I am forced to learn it. I'm not going to use this level of math later on. I will forget it a month afterwards. To me thats the flaw in education, the lack of choice at times.

Last year during school I absolutely dreaded long-blocks, regardless of the class and luckily this year is different. This school thang is better, but its going to be a tough year. Today I was at Dan's house with Kyle and they drew dicks on my notebooks when I left the room, just joking around..So now my notebooks are 100% covered in stickers that say "Hello my name is.." to blot out the graffiti of genitalia on my books. I like them better this way though, so no harm done. It was so beautiful out this afternoon. Even though all I wanted to do was relax and watch a movie, I forced myself to go outside. I'm not going to lie, as soon (keyword SOON) as I get a spare 3 hours I plan on watching Vicky Cristina Barcelona starring Scarlett Johnasson and Penelope Cruz because I snagged it expertly at the library check out desk today after wanting to see it for obvious reasons. My school weeks are marginally uneventful right now and I have a not-so varied routine, but if I actually had more things to do I don't know how I would manage. I am completely stress free. Fitz and Dizzyspells by Andrew Bird.

This weekend has felt more like a week, but in a good way. It seems odd being in school and waking up a 6 tomorrow, now that I have sunken back into summer routine. Nothing eventful or even blog-worthy at all happened today. I took a half stab at cleaning my room and walked around Staples aimlessly for a bit under the pretense of buying shit. I can't say I mind. When I was little I would love cleaning so much, especially when it rained. I remember intentionally trashing my room until it resembled a small scale war zone, so that I could have a good cleaning sesh when it rained in a few days. The day rain was scheduled it never did, and I was left with an absolute jungle of a room on a lovely summer day. What can you do? For the past few hours I have been listening to Conor Oberst. He reminds me of bob dylan in a way, but with a far better voice.
Moab- by the aforementioned man

You could really feel the seasons shifting today. It was one of those perfect days when summer fades slowly into fall, gracefully. Comet Pond at 11 at night has such eerie stillness. The moon poured itself onto the sandy beach, and its reflections looked like small diamonds floating and glistening on top of the abyss of black. I felt beyond at ease.
The song of the day is Empire State of Mind by Jay Z. Surprisingly I love it. I must have listened to it about 20 times today.

I can't write. I have tried for the last fifteen minutes. Why can't feelings be less complicated? I sometimes think about how great it would be if there was only joy and happiness and love in the world. Then other times I realize how opposite this is. Life wouldn't be life without sadness. In a way it's one of the most beautiful human emotions. It's one that we feel the most. Its always the sadness and grief of people I care for that gets to me. Like today I feel heart wrenched knowing how much suffering there is out there. I feel a kind of dull emptiness today and I tried to cover it up with being outwardly jokingly. You might be thinking, oh is joey okay? Yes I'm fine, in fact I'm rarely. At one part of the day I felt like people feel when they cry. I didn't though and haven't in two years. A bit strange. You need sadness to be able to feel happy or else happiness would become bland. That's scary to me. Emotions are more powerful than anything in life. Anything.

Strangely, everything about school today seemed a little bit better. I have quite a large amount of homework, and math threatens to be so hard that I will possibly go into cataclysmic fits of rage when I have to take a test in it (This tuesday yay!).
I saw the mystery girl I blogged about a while ago. She was walking her dog near my driveway, and I didn't see her and I had to walk to the center of town, to work cleaning. I creepily walked behind her for about fifty feet then introduced myself. After we finished our salutations she was like "I had better get going" and pointed her head in the direction of the common. I had to go that way so we walked in silence for a few minutes with the comment about the weather. It felt like an awkward situation straight out of a cliche movie. There is work to do.
The picture of the day today, is of graffiti I took a few days ago, but it no longer looks like a picture. I think its quite alright though.

I despise waking up early. Last night, despite my best efforts, I fell asleep around 2 am, and have felt exhausted ever since. The first hour of the first day of school is always quite exciting, seeing everyone again and feeling optimism over the seemingly endless possibilities for the upcoming year. As soon as I stepped into my first class, this notion began to fade. My classes are fine. Anyways. I'm more fatigued right now than I have been all summer. Gahh. Wow this sounds like a rather whiny little account about day 1, even though it was an okay day. The only reason it wasn't the best was because of Graphics long block. We listened to Ms Ranson life story for about an hour and cleaned desks for the remainder. Four Winds- Bright Eyes

Finishing my apush work today was relieving. Beyond relieving. The funny truth is, I really didn't mind the work much because I like writing about history. I just dedicated three whole days to it and put in so much effort that I was hugely glad to be done. When I wrote my name and date on the paper, it hit me that it really is September. Not only that it is September, but that it was 70 years to the day that WWII broke out, which is what my paper was about. Doesn't that sound crazy. 70 years ago TODAY. I can't get my head around school tomorrow. It's not a bad thing, just a strange thought at this point. I'm a junior? My sister is a frosh? Gahh. Anyways my plan is to blog everyday for the next two weeks like I used to, and hopefully not shitty entries like this one. The song of the day is Summer Skin by Death Cab even though I had it on here not too long ago. The funniest thing that happened today was when I showed my sister the picture on here and she said "You look like you are wearing headgear but otherwise its cool". Arrivederci summer months!

I'm having writers block. It honestly just took me the longest time to the think of a sentence.
My day: I immersed myself in my history essay, and at night went out to see a film. At the present moment I have so many thoughts all somehow tied to WWII and the enigma of the Holocaust. The book I'm reviewing for history claims that Hitler had no preconceived plans and didn't even want war, just concessions. Painting him as an opportunist who stumbled upon war, and not the genocidal fuckhead that he was felt like a very detached and emotionless view to me. Sure, the book mentions anti-semitism and the Holocaust a bit, but overall it glosses over it. Oh lordy this is sounding just like a history paper. I went to see Inglorious Basterds tonight with my dad and a few friends, and when we got there it turned out I had misread the schedule and we had to wait in Gardner for two hours. NBD we just went bowling, but I could have sworn it was monday not sunday, hence my mistake reading the schedule. Anyway, the Tarantino film was fascinating and had many scenes that were incredible. It is a very amoral film as the 'good guys' are often seen scalping or brutally killing Nazi's. Seeing Hitler's body graphically destroyed and torn to shreds by gunfire made a very small barbarian side of myself come out. I think it was a really intriguing and powerful film. Jewish identity is very much linked to the Holocaust. The questions about are had to answser and I think every Jew find their own ways to understand the Holocaust.

Waking up at 1 really shortens a day. At 6 I felt myself wondering where the day had gone, and it was a tad disorientating. To replenish my wardrobe for school, we stopped off at the thrift store and I found about twenty things I wanted which I cut down to a meager five. I also had a hellish dentist's appointment. Apparently I had a lot of plaque on my teeth or something because my dentist held up a tooth brush and said 'Do you have any idea what this is?'. His sass was not needed, and he proceeded to scrape at my teeth with his little metal instruments, all the time shaking his head disapprovingly. Tonight my dad and I went to see District 9 in Gardner, and I really enjoyed it. The film would probably be categorized as sci-fi but it was a lot more interesting and elaborate than that. It was filmed in the shanty towns of South Africa and was more of a commentary on the issues of race and discrimination. Daylight by Matt and Kim

For some strange reason I woke up this morning determined to accomplish three goals: finishing my history book, editing all my pictures and cleaning my room. I hate planning to do things and prefer to spontaneously do them. I read ten pages then called it quits. My room is just as messy, and my photos are just how I left them yesterday. I did listen to many of pitchfork's 500 songs of the decade, and disillusioned myself with the fake notion that I was somehow being productive. Honestly though, productive is overrated.
I am glad not to be trying out for soccer this year. Let's think, a year ago I was probably in a tryout, in the miserable heat, and thinking why the fuck am I putting myself through this? The coaches made it more like the army, and because of how shit high school sports are, I decided it wasn't worth having a terrible first two months of school getting yelled at everyday. Not the hardest decision in the world. Golden Skans by The Klaxons